SIGN IN
This Is How I’m Changing My Patterns (And You Can Too)
by Teodora Sklayne
Have you noticed a pattern recently? Are there habits you want to build but just can’t seem to stick with?
Maybe you're saying sorry too much, constantly worrying about the same thing, talking bad about people behind their back or bending the truth to people you care about.
You are not alone—patterns build within all of us, some good, some bad. Let’s talk about why it feels so hard to change them, and how you can begin gently shifting patterns in a way that actually sticks.
1. To Change a Pattern, You Have to Understand It First
Start with observation. Are you noticing what’s happening in your inner world?
There are many ways to reflect, but I find journaling especially powerful. If you already journal, go back and read some of your past entries—you’ll start to see patterns emerge. If you haven’t journaled yet, this is your invitation to start.
Write. Observe. And at some point, without forcing it, a pattern will begin to reveal itself.
2. What’s the Pattern? What’s Beneath It?
My current one is that I worry about money. Ooof. It runs deep. And I know I’m not the only one.
But let me give you an example with one I’ve worked on for some time now: fear of failure. That one has softened. It’s not that it’s gone forever, but it no longer overwhelms me. I can see it, address it, and let it go when it shows up.
Here’s how I approach it:
- First, define the belief or pattern you want to change.
- Then, take a deep breath and observe it.
That belief is there to tell you something.
What lies beneath it wants to be heard.
We often reject parts of ourselves out of fear, and those parts start screaming louder until they’re acknowledged. You may find a conflict between two inner voices—both wanting the same thing: to keep you safe.
My fear of failure used to say things like:
- What if we embarrass ourselves?
- What if we let everyone down?
- What if we succeed? Then they’ll really see who you are…
- Who do you think you are to want it all?
- Better stay small. Better fail now. I’ll protect you.
And honestly—those thoughts feel valid and are valid. They are there for a reason. But we can learn to let them go.
That’s where the inner negotiation begins.
This part of me wants to protect me. So instead of pushing it away, I offer safety through presence. I listen. I acknowledge. I take deep breaths. And I invite in new beliefs:
- Everything is going to be okay, no matter what.
- I am enough.
- I am supported.
- I am loved.
- I am deserving of fulfilling my dreams.
- It’s totally okay to fail.
I’ve failed many times—and every time, I’ve learned, grown stronger, and come back wiser.
3. Spending Time With Yourself (The Gentle Way)
Deep breaths. Listening. Creating space where all parts of you feel seen and heard.
Changing a belief system means spending more time with yourself.
Not always easy, I know—but it doesn’t have to be overwhelming.
Where’s the rush? You have the rest of your life to figure it out.
That’s kind of the point.
Here’s how it looked for me:
- Two years ago: 5–10 minutes of meditation 2–3x/week (sometimes less)
- Gradually: 20 minutes most days—3–4x/week
- Eventually: some sporadic journalling
- Now: I start most mornings with 45–60 minutes of breathwork and meditation
Not because I have to—because I love to.
Because it makes me feel more like myself—more fulfilled, more aligned with my purpose, more grounded.
If spending time with yourself feels overwhelming, maybe you're pushing too hard.
Make it smaller.
Start with one deep breath.
Then maybe another tomorrow.
Taking slow breaths through your nose while simply observing how you feel—that’s already meditation.
Being present with yourself is enough.
You don’t need a rigid morning routine. You don’t need to prove anything.
4. You Have to Want to Change
Here’s the truth: change is hard.
You have to want it.
Once you understand the pattern and what it’s trying to tell you, you have to be willing to let it go.
Sometimes, a part of you has to die in order for something new to be born.
I know… that’s big. But it’s real.
We often cling to our patterns because they feel safe.
They’ve become part of our identity.
But when we shift from “I am…” to “I do…”, we start reclaiming our power.
Forgiveness. Surrender.
That’s where freedom lives.
And for me, breathwork has been the entry point—but taking care of myself goes far beyond that. Movement, resistance training, nourishing food, and spending quality time in nature—they all matter. Supporting your nervous system and nurturing your body in multiple ways is how real change begins. Breathwork may be one tool, but it's part of a bigger picture of holistic self-care. It’s the gateway.
It’s how I truly let go.
5. You Don’t Have to Do It Alone
If you’re struggling to show up for yourself, maybe it’s time to ask for help.
Whether it’s a psychologist, a breathwork coach, a meditation teacher, or simply someone you trust, support is available when you’re ready to receive it.
So, what do you need to begin?
You already know.
You just have to listen. 🥰
Have you noticed a pattern recently? Are there habits you want to build but just can’t seem to stick with?
Maybe you're saying sorry too much, constantly worrying about the same thing, talking bad about people behind their back or bending the truth to people you care about.
You are not alone—patterns build within all of us, some good, some bad. Let’s talk about why it feels so hard to change them, and how you can begin gently shifting patterns in a way that actually sticks.
1. To Change a Pattern, You Have to Understand It First
Start with observation. Are you noticing what’s happening in your inner world?
There are many ways to reflect, but I find journaling especially powerful. If you already journal, go back and read some of your past entries—you’ll start to see patterns emerge. If you haven’t journaled yet, this is your invitation to start.
Write. Observe. And at some point, without forcing it, a pattern will begin to reveal itself.
2. What’s the Pattern? What’s Beneath It?
My current one is that I worry about money. Ooof. It runs deep. And I know I’m not the only one.
But let me give you an example with one I’ve worked on for some time now: fear of failure. That one has softened. It’s not that it’s gone forever, but it no longer overwhelms me. I can see it, address it, and let it go when it shows up.
Here’s how I approach it:
- First, define the belief or pattern you want to change.
- Then, take a deep breath and observe it.
That belief is there to tell you something.
What lies beneath it wants to be heard.
We often reject parts of ourselves out of fear, and those parts start screaming louder until they’re acknowledged. You may find a conflict between two inner voices—both wanting the same thing: to keep you safe.
My fear of failure used to say things like:
- What if we embarrass ourselves?
- What if we let everyone down?
- What if we succeed? Then they’ll really see who you are…
- Who do you think you are to want it all?
- Better stay small. Better fail now. I’ll protect you.
And honestly—those thoughts feel valid and are valid. They are there for a reason. But we can learn to let them go.
That’s where the inner negotiation begins.
This part of me wants to protect me. So instead of pushing it away, I offer safety through presence. I listen. I acknowledge. I take deep breaths. And I invite in new beliefs:
- Everything is going to be okay, no matter what.
- I am enough.
- I am supported.
- I am loved.
- I am deserving of fulfilling my dreams.
- It’s totally okay to fail.
I’ve failed many times—and every time, I’ve learned, grown stronger, and come back wiser.
3. Spending Time With Yourself (The Gentle Way)
Deep breaths. Listening. Creating space where all parts of you feel seen and heard.
Changing a belief system means spending more time with yourself.
Not always easy, I know—but it doesn’t have to be overwhelming.
Where’s the rush? You have the rest of your life to figure it out.
That’s kind of the point.
Here’s how it looked for me:
- Two years ago: 5–10 minutes of meditation 2–3x/week (sometimes less)
- Gradually: 20 minutes most days—3–4x/week
- Eventually: some sporadic journalling
- Now: I start most mornings with 45–60 minutes of breathwork and meditation
Not because I have to—because I love to.
Because it makes me feel more like myself—more fulfilled, more aligned with my purpose, more grounded.
If spending time with yourself feels overwhelming, maybe you're pushing too hard.
Make it smaller.
Start with one deep breath.
Then maybe another tomorrow.
Taking slow breaths through your nose while simply observing how you feel—that’s already meditation.
Being present with yourself is enough.
You don’t need a rigid morning routine. You don’t need to prove anything.
4. You Have to Want to Change
Here’s the truth: change is hard.
You have to want it.
Once you understand the pattern and what it’s trying to tell you, you have to be willing to let it go.
Sometimes, a part of you has to die in order for something new to be born.
I know… that’s big. But it’s real.
We often cling to our patterns because they feel safe.
They’ve become part of our identity.
But when we shift from “I am…” to “I do…”, we start reclaiming our power.
Forgiveness. Surrender.
That’s where freedom lives.
And for me, breathwork has been the entry point—but taking care of myself goes far beyond that. Movement, resistance training, nourishing food, and spending quality time in nature—they all matter. Supporting your nervous system and nurturing your body in multiple ways is how real change begins. Breathwork may be one tool, but it's part of a bigger picture of holistic self-care. It’s the gateway.
It’s how I truly let go.
5. You Don’t Have to Do It Alone
If you’re struggling to show up for yourself, maybe it’s time to ask for help.
Whether it’s a psychologist, a breathwork coach, a meditation teacher, or simply someone you trust, support is available when you’re ready to receive it.
So, what do you need to begin?
You already know.
You just have to listen. 🥰
