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Helping Our Parents, Without Forcing Change
reflection blog by Coach Teo
Lately, I’ve been reflecting on our journey of helping our parents.
One of the most satisfying things as a child is to have a positive influence on our parents.
And yet, it’s also one of the most frustrating.
As the younger generation, we tend to be more open to change. More curious. More eager to learn, apply new things, and try again. Often, we feel like we know what could help our parents feel better in their bodies and their health… and yet we feel completely helpless.
I really resonate with how Mel Robbins talks about change in her book Let Them.
We can’t change people.
But we can influence them positively, only if they are actually open to change.
That’s why I wanted to touch on this very sensitive subject:
How do we help our parents “do better” when it comes to their health and fitness?I believe the first question is always this:
Have you been doing it yourself for some time?
Have you noticed changes in your own health, your energy, your mood, your confidence?
If it something super new to you, give it time first. What I’ve found most powerful is evidence based knowledge.
Not telling them what to do.
Not correcting them.
Just sharing honestly:
“Doing this made me feel better.”
“This helped me feel stronger.”
“This gave me more energy.”
If we do decide to ask our parents questions about their health, I think the how matters more than the what.
Open questions.
No “shoulds” or “shouldn’ts”.
No judgement.
A lot of compassion.
And a real openness to hear their point of view.
Sharing how you feel about your own journey, and gently inviting curiosity with something like:
“How do you feel about your health right now?”
A few years ago, my mum told me she didn’t feel comfortable going to the swimming pool. She felt that everyone was looking at her, judging her for being old and overweight.
I remember telling her:
“Mum, no one cares. Everyone is thinking about themselves. The things you imagine people are judging you for, they’re usually thinking about their own bodies, their own insecurities, or not noticing at all. And if someone does judge, that’s completely on them.”
I said, “Next time you go, just look around. You’ll see most people are minding their own business.”
It worked.
She’s been going regularly ever since.
Sometimes once a week.
Sometimes three times a week.
Sometimes not at all during colder weeks.
Last week she told me, “Some days I’m lazy and I don’t go. I want to go every day, but I don’t feel like it.”
And I said, “No mum. It’s not about going every day. It’s about going on average two to three times a week for the next ten years. If you miss some time, forgive yourself quickly. No harsh feelings. No guilt. No compensation. Just come back to it.”
Consistency over years, not weeks.
I could see the relief on her face.
And that’s when I’m reminded again:
Change is created through compassion.
When people feel supported, loved, and seen, not judged.
And sometimes, especially with the people we love most, we can be our biggest critics.
If there’s one thing I’m learning, it’s this:
Kindness, patience, and long-term thinking go much further than pressure ever will.
Thank you for reading
Lately, I’ve been reflecting on our journey of helping our parents.
One of the most satisfying things as a child is to have a positive influence on our parents.
And yet, it’s also one of the most frustrating.
As the younger generation, we tend to be more open to change. More curious. More eager to learn, apply new things, and try again. Often, we feel like we know what could help our parents feel better in their bodies and their health… and yet we feel completely helpless.
I really resonate with how Mel Robbins talks about change in her book Let Them.
We can’t change people.
But we can influence them positively, only if they are actually open to change.
That’s why I wanted to touch on this very sensitive subject:
How do we help our parents “do better” when it comes to their health and fitness?I believe the first question is always this:
Have you been doing it yourself for some time?
Have you noticed changes in your own health, your energy, your mood, your confidence?
If it something super new to you, give it time first. What I’ve found most powerful is evidence based knowledge.
Not telling them what to do.
Not correcting them.
Just sharing honestly:
“Doing this made me feel better.”
“This helped me feel stronger.”
“This gave me more energy.”
If we do decide to ask our parents questions about their health, I think the how matters more than the what.
Open questions.
No “shoulds” or “shouldn’ts”.
No judgement.
A lot of compassion.
And a real openness to hear their point of view.
Sharing how you feel about your own journey, and gently inviting curiosity with something like:
“How do you feel about your health right now?”
A few years ago, my mum told me she didn’t feel comfortable going to the swimming pool. She felt that everyone was looking at her, judging her for being old and overweight.
I remember telling her:
“Mum, no one cares. Everyone is thinking about themselves. The things you imagine people are judging you for, they’re usually thinking about their own bodies, their own insecurities, or not noticing at all. And if someone does judge, that’s completely on them.”
I said, “Next time you go, just look around. You’ll see most people are minding their own business.”
It worked.
She’s been going regularly ever since.
Sometimes once a week.
Sometimes three times a week.
Sometimes not at all during colder weeks.
Last week she told me, “Some days I’m lazy and I don’t go. I want to go every day, but I don’t feel like it.”
And I said, “No mum. It’s not about going every day. It’s about going on average two to three times a week for the next ten years. If you miss some time, forgive yourself quickly. No harsh feelings. No guilt. No compensation. Just come back to it.”
Consistency over years, not weeks.
I could see the relief on her face.
And that’s when I’m reminded again:
Change is created through compassion.
When people feel supported, loved, and seen, not judged.
And sometimes, especially with the people we love most, we can be our biggest critics.
If there’s one thing I’m learning, it’s this:
Kindness, patience, and long-term thinking go much further than pressure ever will.
Thank you for reading
